When you grow up being judged, you may internalize the judgements made of you. Linehan (1993) calls this the internalizing the invalidating environment.
When you live in an invalidating environment, you are told the way you feel is not right. Less desirable emotions such as sadness and anger are often not acceptable. You “shouldn’t” feel angry or sad and the reasons you believe led to those feelings are not accurate.
You might be told that you aren’t sad because you lost the election to student council, you’re just feeling sorry for yourself because you didn’t get what you wanted. Usually the reason for any difficult emotion or any problem is blamed on a character flaw. That flaw might be that you are selfish, lazy, crazy, bossy, or stupid.
In addition, problems are seen as easy to solve. You should just get over whatever happened or move on or try harder. Grieving for losses is often not allowed. You don’t learn problem-solving skills or perhaps even the concept that issues can be resolved.